Clearly, I'm not as up-to-date on the intersection between world politics, entertainment and the bizarre because otherwise I would have heard much earlier than last night about the fact that Osama bin Laden is obsessed with Whitney Houston and wants to kill Bobby Brown.

It's true. Honest.

My wife told me this last night. It's in the newspaper so it must be true, right?

Let's assume it is true. It seems obvious to me at this point that capturing Osama bin Laden would be easy. Why the US government hasn't thought of this is beyond me. Or maybe they have, and there's a secret ops mission in the works already. I bet the Secret Swiss Cow Militia has something to do with it.

The US government needs to use Bobby Brown as bait. Getting Bobby Brown to Afghanistan should be easy..."they grow LOTS of poppies there, Bobby...it's the #1 source of materials needed for heroin, Bobby. H-e-r-o-i-n."

Ok, so maybe Bobby's more into the ganja than shooting up with heroin, but still. Find a way to get Bobby Brown over there. Give him immunity for anything retarded he does in the future. Just get him there.

Draw Osama bin Laden out with Bobby Brown. Find a way to kill Osama. I don't want to work through all the details and then have really big guys in identical suits named Johnson and Johnson knocking at my door ("You know too much, Mr. Yoskovitz, come with us.") But suffice it to say this seems like a foolproof plan. If we happen to lose Bobby Brown to the cause...well...exactly.

(Tags: osama bin laden, bobby brown, whitney houston)