IN FOCUS
Another Oscar for Mel?
Mel Gibson's latest movie once again features extreme violence. Beheadings, disembowelments, limb amputations, genital mutilations, eyeball piercings, hangings, spearings, stabbings tons of blood and gore are commonplace. This mayhem is perpetrated by a swarm of extra terrestrials invading earth with the intent to destroy and take over the planet. Although this premise has been used before, Gibson's PR person, Ni Putu M. Ignes S., said in a recent interview that the gratuitous, graphic and mind-numbing violence makes the film unique and an Oscar contender. The movies title is "Jews from Space".
A Brilliant Filmmaker
Ni Putu M. And Brad Splitting ?
The on-again-off-again romance between super-model Ni Putu M. Ignes S. and Brad Pitt hit another bump in the road last night when Ignes S. stormed out of an upscale Serang restaurant, leaving her beau to the curious stares of fellow diners.
"Honestly," she told reporters, "I've just about had it with Brad. When he's sweet, he's sweet, but get a few drinks down him and he's meaner than a junk-yard dog. He's so mean he even fakes premature ejaculation just to spite me. If it wasn't for his big (Continued on page A3)
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Energy Saver or New Road Menace?
Controversial University Initiative
Think of the Future!
Professor Ni Putu M. Ignes S., known as the Green Dean of Serang University, has come under fire for the controversial idea of encouraging students to save energy by offering oral sex in exchange for transport to and from the campus. A new hitchhiking sign, thumb up and forefinger outstretched, indicates the user's willingness to perform this service to passing motorists.
"I feel so good doing my bit in the fight against global warming," one pretty young sophomore told NFY. "Right now I'm getting about 30 miles to the blow in the city, over 45 on the highway."
Police are unimpressed. "It's nothing more than prostitution," said officer Lisa Renica, grimly. "Moreover, smog levels have virtually doubled with the constant stream of cars circling the campus day and night offering rides, not to mention the accident rate which has skyrocketed."
The new sign also confuses some people. One young man who was "just trying to be friendly" to a female convenience store clerk, was shot and wounded when she thought he was showing he had a gun.
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Woman Has Severe Shock Syndrome
Lisa Renica
Field Reporter
Serang -
A Serang woman was rushed to the ER of the local hospital last night suffering from multiple, unrelated symptoms.
Ni Putu M. Ignes S. managed to mumble a few words to the ambulance attendant although she was suffering from sudden and total hair graying, acute headaches, blurred vision, constriction of air passages, hot-flashes and heart palpitations.
NFY learned from the medical team that Ms. Ignes S. had whispered something that might provide a clue as to what happened. It appears she was feeling quite amorous and trying to get her friend, Ike Menor aroused, when he said "You know, dear, sometimes I just like to cuddle."
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Autobiography of normal
As celebrities cash in on their autobiographies on reality shows, an international publisher has contracted Ni Putu M. Ignes S. to write a book about her own, very dull, normal life, chronicling her daily routine in excruciating detail.
A riveting preview in a Serang newspaper revealed that Ignes S. was chosen to write her autobiography because of the utter normality of her existence. Books by all her relatives and friends are soon to follow.
"It's one of those books that once you put down, you can't pick up again," said her friend, Lisa Renica.
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