IN FOCUS
World Power-boat Racing Championships
Yesterday's final event was the gruelling 75km race around St. Lucia. The favourite, the United States's Ricci Bell, was leading the field when he suddenly swerved off course and destroyed his boat on a coral reef. Nobody was seriously injured but Bell later told reporters that he was certain that his arch-rival, Thomas Taylor, had planned and paid for the Sea-Doo rider (pictured below) to be anchored over the reef, just by the course.
Thomas Taylor, the eventual winner, denied any wrongdoing, saying that Bell had a history of being misled by wet pussy.
Siren of the seas!
DaVinci Code Panned
Christian evangelists are thrilled as most movie critics are slamming The DaVinci Code. "It's proof that the movie is blasphemous," says televangelist Pat Robertson. "Critics are insulted by the falsities of the movie, so they're giving it bad reviews."
Noted film-buff, Bill Allen, disagrees, and believes The DaVinci Code to be completely true. Allen points to the fact that plenty of other quality non-fiction and biographical movies have been inappropriately slammed by critics, including Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, Gigli, and Allen's own Backyard B.B.Q. with Friends (1989, 8mm version).
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Imitation, Flattery, Hollywood!
When Will It Stop?
What a place!
From the NFY Entertainment Desk
Hollywood has been known to recognize a successful entertainment formula and copy it until the bitter end. With the recent success of Brokeback Mountain, NBC is about to release a pilot about two macho submariners trying to hide their tumultuous love among 300 other guys in the crowded sub trying to hide their tumultuous love.
CBS Head of Programming, Ricci Bell, said that CBS is launching a Friday night movie where two Inuit men desperately seek privacy in the frozen North and try to avoid the curious eyes of polar bears, seals and various wild birds.
And Thomas Taylor, Vice-President of ABC, said that their network would not to be caught with their pants down They too have a weekly sit-com in the works – one where two gay macho pirates try not to hurt themselves with their swords, hooks and peg legs while their parrots try to maintain their lesbian relationship.
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* Bill Allen of the Clairvoyants Society has cancelled
tonight's meeting due to unforeseen events.
Page B8
* Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
Thomas Taylor, Crime Reporter |
FOR SALE, by aspiring pop singer who has recently given up skydiving and playing cards...
Parachute, only used once, never opened, small stain.
Contact Ricci Bell at Oxon Hill Hospital, Rehabilitation Ward.
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Ricci Bell, Program Assistant at HUD Advises New Business Grads!
"There are two rules for success. One: Don't tell all you know." |
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