Today's Weather:
Deep depression moving into London area. Light winds,
with gusts to Force 8.
Today's high: Cocaine.
Tonight's low: Very
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LONDON | WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 08, 2010 | The Nation's Oldest Daily | Since last week
http://www.IGotNewsForYou.com |
Today's Sports Scores:
12, 3, 4, 8, 67 and a 3 to 3 tie.
Today's Winning Lottery Numbers:
None of yours!
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IN FOCUS
Taking Years Off!
Medical Researcher Simon Gallup claims to have discovered a way to reverse the aging process.
At a news conference Dr. Gallup explained, "Modern medicine has evolved to the point where we can change our organs, change our appearance, and even change gender; so why not change our age also? To that end, I have opened the world's first age reassignment clinic. Just bring in your Birth Certificate and
continued on page A9
Deceiving Appearances!
Vicky And Brad Splitting ?
The on-again-off-again romance between super-model Vicky De Bruyne and Brad Pitt hit another bump in the road last night when De Bruyne stormed out of an upscale London restaurant, leaving her beau to the curious stares of fellow diners.
"Honestly," she told reporters, "I've just about had it with Brad. When he's sweet, he's sweet, but get a few drinks down him and he's meaner than a junk-yard dog. He's so mean he even fakes premature ejaculation just to spite me. If it wasn't for his big (Continued on page A3)
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Imitation, Flattery, Hollywood!
When Will It Stop?
What a place!
From the NFY Entertainment Desk
Hollywood has been known to recognize a successful entertainment formula and copy it until the bitter end. With the recent success of Brokeback Mountain, NBC is about to release a pilot about two macho submariners trying to hide their tumultuous love among 300 other guys in the crowded sub trying to hide their tumultuous love.
CBS Head of Programming, Vicky De Bruyne, said that CBS is launching a Friday night movie where two Inuit men desperately seek privacy in the frozen North and try to avoid the curious eyes of polar bears, seals and various wild birds.
And Robert Smith, Vice-President of ABC, said that their network would not to be caught with their pants down They too have a weekly sit-com in the works, one where two gay macho pirates try not to hurt themselves with their swords, hooks and peg legs while their parrots try to maintain their lesbian relationship.
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NFY Book Review
Robert Smith
Field Reporter
London -
"Women - The Struggle to Get on Top", a book that takes a detailed scholarly look at historical gender inequality in corporate America has just hit store shelves and the New York Times literary critic, Vicky De Bruyne, provided the following review.
"The book may be of help to some women but it doesn't do much for me. I mean, sometimes I get on top, sometimes he gets on top. We even do it doggie style or standing up in the kitchen. And I don't struggle. Well maybe a bit when we play Pirate and Captive but never when we play, say, Doctor and Patient. Of course when we use the handcuffs, I..."
Read Complete Story B5
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Local Woman's Low Self-Esteem A Problem
Identity theft is becoming a big concern in the United Kingdom. People are being increasingly vigilant as regards protecting their personal data, buying shredders, changing PIN numbers, etc.
Not so with Vicky De Bruyne of London, who suffers from an acute lack of self-esteem. De Bruyne has been trying for years now to get her identity stolen, by leaving copies of her driving licence, bank statements, and credit card bills in public places, so far without success. Even advertising internationally through newspapers and on eBay has been in vain.
"I wouldn't have her identity if she paid me a million bucks," said one female inmate on death row in California State Prison.
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